Cracked and Beautiful

God's Warrior Woman ~ Jeannette's Story

There is an intriguing Japanese concept called Wabi-Sabi that encourages an appreciation of the beauty of imperfect things. It is an idea that something is more beautiful as it ages or fades.  One could look at the chip on a plate or a distorted cup and want to toss them out.  But in the concept of Wabi-Sabi, these items are not to be viewed as damaged. The Japanese would repair these items by leaving the cracks and the chips and restore the objects with something like pure gold or lacquer.  The goal is to enhance the beauty that is already there.  Having lived a while, this is now my point of view.  I now share my scars, inside and out. Shame is no longer my constant companion.   

But that was not always the case. 

Like many, the bumps and bruises from life’s experiences left internal and external scarring.

Psychological and physical wounds work the same way.  When we see a physical scar, we know that our magnificently designed body has repaired its wound. That abuse where someone used verbal power to control, manipulate, or intimidate us, left a scar.  The emotional abuse where someone tried to systematically tear us down by rejecting, ignoring, terrorizing, isolating, or corrupting us, left a scar.   The spiritual abuse, where someone used their spiritual power, position, or information to control, intimidate or manipulate us, left a scar.

For me, experiencing this type of abuse left me with a distorted view of myself and a skewed vision of my Heavenly Father.   One of the main scriptures that I relied heavily on through the years is Philippians 1:6 (AMP):

 " I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return]." 

I thought that my opinions were not important, and my choices were not sound.  I was indecisive, timid, and poor in developing relationships.  Many that know me often say that “Jen would speak her mind”.   That may have been true with some people; but in general, it was a struggle to keep my head up at times.  I remember in pubic that I would stutter when I spoke, or I spoke in an overly soft, and timid voice.  I was horrified when I thought I made an error, and that Internal judgement brought me to tears.  I would avoid talking because I was afraid to say the wrong things.   “Jen” was full of anxiety and lacked confidence, especially in conversations or anything involving getting up to speak.     

I was a fully functioning adult with successes and accomplishments who, at times, found it very difficult to make decisions for fear of making a mistake or sounding stupid.  I was scarred.

These many experiences acted as a catalyst in the launch of a stronger prayer life. Out of desperation, I wanted God to “fix” me.  In the beginning, I did not think that my Words were good enough so I gathered as many types of prayers as I could.  I had the mindset that other people’s words were better than mine. So, I started collecting prayer books and copying prayers from the Internet.  I was determined not to be shamed.  I was going to get the words “right.”

I would recite these prayers and began a daily regimen of seeking God.  At some point I received my prayer language and that became another weapon in my arsenal. Jude 20 says, ^“But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,” and I could not have been more delighted to do so because I didn’t have to use my words and pray the wrong things.

In the quiet sanctuary of time, the words written by others seamlessly merged with the script of my soul.

Overtime, the words in print or written on paper from others became my words.  They had been engrafted in my heart and spirit.  Soon, those deep, deep wounds began to heal.  I dared to believe the words that God was saying about me and that He really DID love me.

Yes, I am flawed. But that is alright.   I am scarred, but it was God that took those imperfections and covered them with pure gold and lacquer.  I don’t do everything correctly, but the Father is perfecting those things which concern me.   Some of my wounds are still healing.  But God heals the broken hearted and binds up our wounds. 

As my trust in God’s Words increased, doors started opening for me to do the very thing that I was afraid to do, use my voice.  I think that I had risen to a place where I could give God glory from a place of authenticity.  Having embraced my own story and my own scars, I delight in hearing how others have discovered beauty in their wounds.

The concept of Wabi-Sabi encourages us to find beauty in our imperfections. “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10-11)
 

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The Warrior Women Series will offer motivation and inspiration through heartfelt stories, illustrating that you can overcome challenges through the powerful combination of prayer and fasting.

Jeannette is the CEO of Jeannette M Jones, LLC, an online coaching firm that provides life, mental health, and educational coaching services designed to help women move past their past and step into their brilliance. She considers herself “the dream and self-esteem” coach because of her own process of moving from stagnation to divine destination. She wants to help women remove the negative clutter, unlearn bad habits, and embrace their destiny.

“The process of unlearning something we have believed to be true most of our lives is extremely difficult. It is going to take more than going to an empowerment conference or women’s motivation weekend to keep our minds from going back to the default setting. Let me walk with you for a while and help you uncover the treasure that is you.”

In addition to being a CEO, Jeannette is a certified K-12 Educator, certified mental health and life coach, ordained minister, television producer and host of two shows on her own channel, Filling in the Gap Television. You can get more insight into her story in the book, “Out of Line: Repositioning Your Walk with God.”

Connect with Jeannette is her website, Facebook and YouTube. You may check out her shop, Out of Line.