From Darkness to Eternal Hope: My Journey of Faith and Healing

God's Warrior Woman ~ Brittany's Story

Imagine standing on the beach, bending down to grasp a handful of sand, and observing the sand particles fall through your fingers.  

Have you experienced moments in life where it feels as though everything is crumbling around you, enveloping you in darkness?

Has that darkness ever felt so overwhelming that you doubted even God could touch it or transform it into something good?

Welcome to my God story!

My God story begins in February 2021. After many months of praying and hoping, my husband and I received the best news. We found out we were pregnant with our first child! On March 9th, we went in for our first ultrasound. The doctor informed us that she couldn’t detect a heartbeat. My heart sank!

However, my doctor said that we would do another ultrasound in ten days because my pregnancy may have been too early to detect a heartbeat. For the next ten days, I was on my knees day and night praying that God would save our child!

On March 19th, I sat in that doctor’s chair believing that we would hear our baby’s heartbeat! My doctor sadly looked at us and said the words I never wanted to hear: “I’m sorry! There isn’t a heartbeat and unfortunately, you have miscarried.”

In a matter of seconds, my entire world came crashing down! I immediately spiraled into a state of despair and darkness!

Many questions flooded my mind: "Why did this happen?", "What did I do wrong?", "Why would God not answer my prayers?"

Weeks following my miscarriage, I had numerous appointments along with multiple labs and tests, which led to a diagnosis of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). The doctor said that although it wouldn’t be impossible to get pregnant, it would be extremely difficult.

I spiraled further into my darkness and more questions overwhelmed me: Why me and why God? Unfortunately, I became crippled by my darkness and despair! I shut myself off from the world and I turned my back on God!

Throughout my depression, I still went to church and surrounded myself with worship music. I knew that eventually; my heart would believe again what my head knew about God.

Through the journey of faith, my heart learned to believe once more in what my mind always knew about God.

After a few months, I started to believe again. However, I told God that the dark cloud surrounding my miscarriage would always remain dark and it was something God could never heal.

Fast forward to Fall 2022. I began a Bible Study in the book of Romans. We studied half of Romans by winter break. During winter break, I felt called to restudy the first half of Romans in preparation for the upcoming second half of my Romans study. I’ve read these verses before, but in January 2023, God rocked my world and I’ve never been the same!

The author of my Bible Study, Kristin Schmucker, encouraged us that when we face trials, we should look to the cross.

She describes the cross so beautifully when she states, “Jesus went to the cross out of love for us. He was beaten and bruised. He was shamed and reviled. He was bloody and humiliated.
The God of the ages hung on the cross for the very people whose sins He bore there. As the crowd pierced through the silence with screams for his crucifixion, He bore our humiliation.

As the crown of thorns was pressed into his skin, He carried our shame. As the pain jolted through His body with every smack of the hammer as the nails were driven into His hands and feet, our names were in His mind. As the pain surged through His body and the end drew near, His love for us did not waver.

As He uttered the words, “It is finished,” He secured our redemption” (Schmucker, 2017, p. 106).

God knew I would be angry with Him about my miscarriage, and He knew I would turn my back on Him and doubt whether he could reach my darkness. However, His love for me did not waver and my name was still on His heart, and He still went to the cross for me! The message of the cross has brought me hope and peace in Jesus which is unexplainable!

Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (ESV). Paul isn’t saying that my suffering from my miscarriage and PCOS diagnosis isn’t painful because it is heartbreaking.

However, the difference is I don’t have to be crippled by my suffering!

God came to me and spoke to me through Romans saying, “Let me show you the depths of my love! I can shine through the darkest cloud and deepest depression! Let me heal your heart!”

It’s okay to be sad. I will forever be sad for the babies I have lost! However, because of the cross, I have eternal hope and peace! Romans 5:5 says, “and hope does not put us to shame” (ESV).

This eternal hope and peace that doesn’t put me to shame means I can trust God’s promises, He is always faithful, and I will get to meet my babies one day in heaven!

In the unshakeable hope and enduring peace that never disappoint, I find my trust in God's promises, for His faithfulness endures.

Kristin Schmucker (2017) states, “When suffering threatens to steal our hope, we remember that our hope is not found in the things of this world, but in the God who has already overcome. […] We rejoice that even in sorrow, suffering, and waiting, He is faithful. We rejoice in Him” (p. 111).

My mom tells me all the time that God is good all the time and all the time God is good! I can truly say and believe that even in the darkest valley, God is still on His throne, He is always within reach, His sovereign plan for me is good, His glory is coming where all will be made new, and He is a good good God!

References:  Schmucker, K. (2017). Romans: The Gospel of Grace (Volume 1). The Daily Grace Co.

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First and foremost, I identify as a daughter of the One True King!  My journey also includes being the devoted wife of Jordan, who has truly lived out his vows of seven years, and for this, I am forever grateful to God.  I am truly blessed! I prayerfully hope to be blessed with the role of an earthly mother!  My life encompasses many titles, including wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, aunt, cousin, niece, and friend. With so many titles, I realize the large circle of influence I have in the lives of those around me. Each role brings me great joy, and I humbly pray that I serve each role according to God’s will and purpose.

I’m usually the quiet one in the group, but recently, God has encouraged me to be bolder and share my God story. My earnest desire is for everyone to embrace their unique God story and confidently share the greatness of our God. 

Education is my passion, and my goal is to help each of my students feel valued and successful both inside and outside the classroom.  Additionally, I enjoy spending time with my two dogs, Gidget and Ruger, traveling the world with my husband, cooking, reading, and eating baked goods, with a particular weakness for chocolate and French pastries.

I believe God speaks to me the most through music. I'd like to share some songs that have played a foundational role in my personal God story. 

My hope is that these songs bring you encouragement and assure you of God’s promises and His unwavering goodness.
 

Brittany's Playlist of Encouragement

"Jesus, Strong and Kind" (feat. Colin Buchanan)
"Into the Sea " (It's Gonna Be Ok) by Tasha Layton
"Firm Foundation" (He Won't) by Cody Carnes
"My God is Still the Same" Sanctus Real