From Victim to Victor: Freedom from the Aftermath of Abuse

Another evening of pain and heartache… living a life of fear as a child poured over into a life of fear as an adult. Afraid to speak up and share an idea, afraid to ask a question in the classroom, afraid to disagree and not be accepted.

FEAR has had a way of trying to destroy my future.

As a child, I was taught that asking “Why?” wasn’t an option because of the fear that was instilled into me at such a young age.

This life long battle with fear began one rainy night when I dared to ask my mother “why” at eight years old.

My mother was angry with me for “talking back” and my punishment was to walk home alone in the dark.

This is not normal, I thought as I walked down the long sidewalk crying uncontrollably.

I could hear the voices of family and friends pleading with my mother to not force me to walk home in the dark on this rainy night as she drove alongside me in her car.

I knew I was the focal point of her unhappiness and a reminder of my father. I had grown accustomed to hearing, “You’re just like your father, and you look like him, too.” Her bitterness toward my father over a failed marriage from an affair and birth of a child caused her to lash out, directing emotional and physical abuse toward me.

It was now time to cross the two-lane road. It wasn’t at a lighted intersection, but a narrow two-lane road in North Carolina. I stood at the edge of the road. Stuck, afraid, alone, and unloved – trying to become brave enough to cross the street.

I took a few deep breathes before I started to walk across the road. She rolled down the window and yelled at me, “I said walk home, cross the street.”

The thoughts raced through my mind, Why does she hate me? Why doesn’t anyone love me? And why won’t someone stop her from torturing me?

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